1. Communicate
If you’ve seen Pitch Perfect you probably remember during the riff-off when the Treblemakers sing the line, “Sex baby, let’s talk about you and me. All the good things and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about sex, a little bit a little bit.”
This is just a couple lines from a song, but it has some important meaning to it. To improve your sex life, learning to communicate about it is important. Some aspects of sex and intimacy one spouse may enjoy while the other may not. Work together to talk about it and find out what works for you.
Plan ahead with your spouse and pick a time that is “neutral” like when you wake up and are getting ready for the day, or right before bed. Make sure your kids are out of ear shot. Don’t try forcing the conversation when you’re already angry or in a bad mood.
2. Listen
While you communicate about your intimacy and sex, keep in mind the importance of listening to understand your spouse.
Give your spouse time to talk. Ask them their needs, wants, and desires in your sexual relationship. Validate what they are saying. Repeat what you’ve understood to check that you understood correctly.
Are you having a difficult time talking with your spouse about the important things?
Do you want your communication with your spouse to improve?
Check out “3 Ways to Improve Communication With Your Spouse”
3. Remember WHY You Are Making Love
Sex is not simply to fulfill one’s personal needs. Sex, since the beginning of time, builds a bond between a husband and wife. Love and intimacy in a relationship strengthens a couple’s affection and love for each other.
Making love is also way of growing the love you have for each other and creating a family.
Have the mindset of making love with each other, rather than having sex to meet “my” needs. Making love in a healthy relationship can help your sex life become more fulfilling and build a stronger connection in your marriage.
4. Make Time for It
Do you feel like you are just too busy to take the time to really make love rather than just have sex?
Plan ahead. When works best for you? If mornings, afternoons, or nights are best, plan for then. If there’s never a moment that your kids are asleep or out of the house, send them off to your sister’s or neighbors for an hour or two.
5. “Spice” It Up
When I was younger, I remember asking my mom what testosterone was. Quickly, she replied, “It’s a spice.” And that’s what I accepted until I simultaneously took a cooking class and an anatomy class, I quickly realized testosterone was not the kind of spice you cook with. But, it is a “spice’“ that can positively affect your love life.
Bland food is boring. Bland sex…well, it can be spiced up. You can use whatever kind of “spice” works for you and your spouse. You won’t always find the right “spice” the first try, but through trial and error, you’ll find what works best for you two.
Give each other a massage. Surprise your spouse with something sexy beneath your clothes. Play some new music. Go out on a date and spend some quality time together. Send a sweet text.
6. Your Sex Life Doesn’t Need to Meet Everyone Else’s Quota
Your sex life is for you and your spouse. That’s it. You don’t need to share it with the world or get the world’s approval on how you and your spouse make love.
There’s no set amount per month, place, or time of day quota for sexual relationships that you and your spouse need to meet. You decide the when, where, and how often that will work best for you.
A couple’s sexual relationship isn’t all there is to a marriage, there’s so much more!
Click the link to read a Marriage & Family Therapist’s “10 Best Pieces of Marriage Advice”