Anyone can experience fear. Old people, young people, brave people, and the people who feel they’re not so brave.
Every experience of fear is dealt with differently. Some people have new experiences they fear, while others are afraid because of a past experience.
Fear shows up in various situations too. While some people are afraid of bugs, others are afraid of expressing their emotions. One may be afraid of getting hurt, while someone else may be afraid of hurting another.
What does fear do?
Fear can work as an inhibitor – like keeping you from jumping off the cliff into the lake, or not going to the party because you don’t know what to expect.
Fear can also increase action with adrenaline – helping you to run faster and jump higher when needed. It can give you the sudden burst of courage to run into the burning building and save the crying child.
The varying reactions to fear can be seen with the classic example of the grizzly bear. What do you do when you hear a grizzly bear walking through the trees about to enter your campsite? With this approaching fear, there are the typical three choices: fight, flight, or freeze.
In a relationship, this fear could cause you to face the things that scare you head on, causing you to fight for your relationship. It could also lead you to run from the problems further distancing you and your spouse, or you may simply freeze, not sure what to do, while still not making any improvements.
When can fear help me?
The five main emotions are joy, sadness, surprise, anger, and fear.
While fear is something we all have and need, it is also important that we know when and how to use it. We can learn to recognize when our fears are becoming excessive or inhibiting us from something they shouldn’t.
Some fears are rational, some are irrational. My husband thinks my fear of spiders is a little excessive, but I also think his fear of snakes is funny. However, that fear can also be helpful if we are in a bad situation – like if the spider or snake were poisonous.
How to face my fears?
Fears can quickly become irrational. Take a moment to step back and think about the rationality of your fear.
Use mindfulness to more fully understand your view of the situation. By asking yourself these questions, it can better help you understand the real (or unreal, self-created) danger of a situation. What am I afraid of? Why does it scare me? What would I like to do? What is the worst thing that could happen?
For example, some people have an absolute fear of walking into a room late. Instead of walking in late, they’d rather skip that class or meeting.
What am I afraid of? I am afraid of being stared at and that others will think I’m ‘that person.’ Why does it scare me? It scares me because I don’t want to be judged. What would I like to do? Be brave enough to go into class late. What is the worst thing that could happen? I go into class and people notice I’m late.
By asking oneself these questions, it enables one to decide if it is a situation that is simply scary but will not harm you, or if the situation truly is dangerous.
We have fears to protect us. People are afraid of heights because falling could mean death. People are afraid of bugs because some are poisonous and could be life threatening.
However, sometimes a fear may consume your life and inhibit you from things you need to or hope to do. This is when a fear is more than just a fear. If you’ve noticed this in your own life, come talk to us about it! It’s possible to have a healthy level of fear rather than a fear that is constantly interfering, and we can help you better understand and work through the fears in your life.