Written by Spencer Dutson, LMFT, EMDR Trained Therapist
In her book, “Rewiring the Addicted Brain with EMDR-Based Treatment”, Laurel Parnell PhD writes about how powerful EMDR can be to heal addiction. However, her writing on consequences is something that I really wanted to share with you today!
Have you ever been stuck in a negative habit that just … you know … feels so good when you are doing it, but then leaves you feeling a bit empty inside? Or perhaps your end result is a bit more severe: self-hate, more negative habits, or worse. If you’re like most people, sometime after that “so good” part, you kick yourself and wonder why you couldn’t stop again (for the umpteenth time). Well, based on what I’ve learned from Doctor Parnell, let me help explain why this may be.
The Addiction/Reward Center of the Brain
For a great explanation of how the addiction center of the brain works, please checkout this (short) helpful video, then come back to this article. The process outlined in that video applies to the use of substances and behaviors that are rewarding (this includes negative habits that feel good in the moment). Because of how closely packed these parts of the brain are, it doesn’t take much repetition to form fairly strong connections. It is these parts of the brain that create addiction and habits, but what part of the brain is responsible for thinking of consequences?
The Consequence Center of the Brain
Our ability to think ahead and to think rationally is one of the biggest things that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. This is thanks to the outer parts of our brain generally, but specifically, the prefrontal cortex. This is where our brain creates and thinks of consequences for our actions. I know it may not seem like these two parts of the brain are that far away, but when we are talking about the brain, it’s like one is in the U.S. and the other is in Russia! In other words, when an urge to use a substance or engage in a behavior that has been reinforced through the brain’s reward center, consequences are very hard to access
How it Works
Let’s think of an example. Let’s say I’m stuck in a negative habit of biting my nails. I know that the consequences of that could be: my fingers hurt, I make myself bleed, damage to my nails/fingers, I expose myself to more illness, and maybe others don’t want to be around me because it grosses them out. Well, in the moment, I don’t think about any of those things, I am just thinking about and enjoying the relief that comes from biting my nails when I’m stressed out! Because I’m only ever thinking about and experiencing the good feelings from my behavior, I’m not giving the rest of my brain (aka the consequence center) a chance to let the future negative consequences inform my behavior.
A Path to Healing – Linking the Negative Consequences
So, one way to heal from negative habits to addiction is to be able to link the urge that spurs our behavior, to the consequences that can halt our behavior. For those of us dealing with something that may be a bit lighter to manage, I recommend allowing yourself time to write all of the potential negative consequences to your behavior/substance use. Really think outside the box here and put down things that seem even extreme, but that could be remotely possible. Don’t forget the small things either! With this list in your hand, I then suggest you think about the urge and what you get from it. Imagine that on one hand you have the urge/reward, and on the other you have the consequences. Notice how they differ and compare. As you do this, you should begin to see that the consequences far outweigh whatever you get from the behavior or substance.
Please note that I don’t believe that “just thinking” will change your behavior, so allow yourself to feel as much as you can during this exercise. Then, the next time you feel an urge, remember as many of the consequences as you can.
I’ve seen success with this for smaller issues/concerns. If you find yourself struggling with something a bit bigger than a short term nail biting habit though, please seek out a professional who can help you. Ideally, this is an EMDR trained therapist who is familiar with Dr. Parnell’s “Connecting the Consequences Protocol”, like myself. I’ve noticed that when coupling this protocol with EMDR and traditional therapy, the results can be outstanding! So please, if you are struggling with a negative habit or addiction that you just can’t grasp, please reach out and know there is help and hope!