Written by: Spencer Dutson, LAMFT, Trained EMDR Therapist
Addiction can be split into two main categories:
Substance addictions
Process or behavior addictions
While these subcategories involve different addictive means, they both result in the same end—having a problematic relationship with a something that cannot be stopped despite our best efforts.
Having worked with a variety of clients who experience addiction, I have noticed a powerful trend. Most addiction is deeply rooted in a lack of meaningful connections. In his powerful TED talk, Johann Hari explains that, “everything we know about addiction is wrong.” I would strongly recommend watching his TED talk, but in essence, he explains that disconnection fuels addiction, while connection promotes true healing.
Addiction, Connection, and the Brain
Our brains are wired for connection. From an early age, we learn the importance of proximity seeking, or checking in on our caregivers to make sure they are still there, so that we can explore our world. As we become adults, that continues. We form secure attachments with romantic partners that help us feel grounded in the chaos of life and to appropriately seek comfort when distressed.
Addiction and the brain have a different relationship. Addiction hijacks the brain’s natural reward system and creates powerful neurological highways for reward when a certain stimulus is present (e.g. a substance or behavior).
Like a path that is traveled over and over again, the more the stimulus is connected to the reward, the more powerful the connection becomes, to the point that it becomes automatic.
Mr. Hari is arguing there is an increasing body of research that is beginning to show that if meaningful connections with others (e.g. family, friends, partners, spirituality, etc.) can be formed, those connections can be both preventative and healing when it comes to addiction. I am by no means saying that all it takes to heal from addiction is to form better relationships, but I am saying that meaningful connections with others is an essential part of addiction treatment.
Forming Connections to Heal Addiction
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, connect more. Addiction doesn’t even need to be part of the discussion. Just be with the people in your life. Do something fun together, build your relationship, be there for each other.
This is the truth about addiction: Addiction is fueled and created by disconnection. Addiction is helped through meaningful connections.