What is Emotional Intelligence and Why is It Important?

Have you heard of emotional intelligence? This seems like a simple concept, but it’s a valuable principle to understand. Self emotional awareness can enable you to connect and empathize with yourself and those around you. These skills are the foundation for intimacy and connection in life. So what is emotional intelligence, and how can you develop greater emotional intelligence?

(Emotional intelligence and emotional awareness are often used interchangeably, and we’ll be using them interchangeably here as well.)

Each day is full of PROBLEMS. Am I right? With each problem, our emotions fluctuate to adjust. Emotional awareness is the act of becoming more aware of these fluctuations in ourselves and in other people. Greater awareness of these changes enables us to greater manage our response.

With greater emotional intelligence comes lower levels of social anxiety, decreased depression, and more positive relationships with family, friends, & co-workers. We’ll also experience strengthened self-esteem and greater confidence in various aspects of life. 

The lack of emotional awareness can result in frustration with life and little to no control over their emotions or actions. They often lash out at those around them and feel constant strain on life. 

So here’s an example of the difference. A co-worker angrily blames you for an issue on a project.

  • Someone with emotional awareness would recognize the stress and pressure their co-worker is feeling and can realize how it’s causing their angry response to the situation.

  • Someone without as much emotional awareness will likely lash out right back and boil with anger the rest of the day.

Here are 3 tips to increase your emotional awareness today:

1: Revisit a past emotional event

Think of a recent time you had an emotional reaction to something – it doesn’t have to be a negative reaction. Identify what was happening that caused you to feel how you felt? How did you feel it in your body? What told you to respond the way you did? Where did you learn to respond that way? How intense was the emotion (on a scale 1-5). Try this often as you learn to be a critical thinker of how/why you are responding the way you do in various situations. 

2: Pregnant Pause

When you find yourself in a situation where an emotional reaction would feel natural, think PREGNANT PAUSE! What this looks like is before you begin to speak and move away from whatever experience you are in, take a moment to pause--a LONG pause...and check in with yourself. Scan your body for areas of discomfort. Ask yourself why this discomfort is cropping up in your body? How is your body wanting to move away or get rid of the pain? Do you want to do something different than what your body is telling you but don’t know how? 

Often clients will say that they feel scared of the reaction they would get from others if they didn’t respond their usual way. This is where I say – feel the fear and do it anyway. Oftentimes, fear holds us back from making the necessary changes to have deep lasting connections. When this becomes your motivation for change, the fear doesn’t seem so overwhelming. 

3: Increasing your Emotional Vocabulary 

When you spend time increasing your emotional vocabulary, you become better able to describe and attune with yourself and others. Anger is often a secondary emotion, and there is a deeper emotion circulating below the surface. Look at the following progressions to help you more clearly identify what you might be feeling:

Frustrated ——> irritated ——> rejected

Anxious ——> fearful ——> alone

Being able to clearly identify and express your true emotions help connect to yourself and others. Increasing your emotional intelligence does not happen overnight. It requires conscious, concerted effort… and time. Ultimately, the more you work at increasing your emotional intelligence, the more deeply connected you will become.